Massacre

It's been a weekend of new things. Here are my thoughts.

1) Left 4 Dead

New computer game of the survival horror variety, only for once the developers have really given some thought to the cooperative element of the game. Essentially, Louis, Francis, Bill and Zoey have to shoot their way through 4 campaigns of zombie murderage in order to achieve their final objective, which is always to answer a radio and finally get rescued by whoever is in the local area who hasn't been infected by the zombie... ness.

I admit I feel a mite disappointed by the lack of backstory. There's been a zombie apocalypse, but other than that we have no details whatsoever. I rather liked the development of plots such as Resident Evil where you spent the whole thing wandering around getting eaten alive by giant everything. I liked the fact that there was actually some reason why it was all happening. The zombies are called "the infected" which implies some kind of bio experiment gone wrong, but other than that Valve give their players no idea of what's gone wrong. Having a plot discovery element might have given them a bit more character development. It's a bit sad, because in the commentary they talk a lot about the development of the 4 central characters, and therefore it seems sad that by the end you know so very little about them aside from the half a paragraph they are awarded in the gaming manual. Valve apparently worked hard to make them likeable and believable. Hardly seems much point when they are all capable of exactly the same skills, same weapons capabilities, so they're all essentially the same person.

Gameplay-wise, it's a strong game. The zombies are well drawn, and it's always fun to see that if you shoot them in the arm, then the arm itself frequently gets blown off and flies across the floor. The range of special zombies keeps the game interesting, because being attacked constantly by the horde would get a bit samey and easy otherwise. Having said that, we are only playing on normal difficulty setting right now, and I still frequently get incapacitated. The music is good, lighting good, sounds good - everything you'd expect from a Valve game. I'm satisfied, pleased even, but it would have been nice to be overwhelmed or impressed to boot.

2) Mass Effect

I played through this over the last week and a half and finally finished it as the ultimate Paragon - ie, extremely good and well-behaved. It's definitely the easiest way to play. If you play as a Renegade, it seems hard to get the right options in conversations to allow you to intimidate people. If you're rude to them all the time, or knock them out, or insult their mums, you'll often be ignored or rebutted, which is a pain in the ass. Much easier to be lovely about everything and just charm the pants off everyone.

Though I really enjoyed the plot of Mass Effect and was initially very happy with the game, over an extended period of time, I found it repetitive and too easy. I appreciate that playing it on more difficult modes might have been sensible, fair play, but I do wonder what the real value in having Easy, Normal, Hardcore, Insane etc. What's wrong with having Easy, Normal and Hard? If I remember rightly, DMC even had one after that - Dante Must Die mode or something. Maybe Easy mode should just be made harder? In any case, if this weren't a big enough objection, you do spend an inordinate amount of time roaming around on alien worlds that all look very much the same. Rocky, usually windy, and usually red, brown or icy in colour. They didn't give enough thought to each planet, and hence exploring them is even more tedious than watching soap opera omnibuses. Omnibi. Whatever.

If you ignore the side quests entirely, not only do you miss out on a shedload of weapons and money, but the game is massively shorter in length. There are only 5 or 6 main missions, and none are very long, particularly on your second playthrough, which you will have to endure if you want most of the game's achievements. I had originally planned to play through as a full Renegade, but am thinking the better of it. Games really need to get more inventive with their achievements, rather than just having a bunch of completion bonuses. Yawn.

3) Gears of War 2

Haven't played this, but witnessed it at RK's house. Impression was that it's very much more of the same, so if you liked GoW1, you'll enjoy this offering. What it doesn't do is offer MORE, which is sad.

4) Goldfinger

It was inevitable that sooner or later I would have to confess my ignorance when it comes to Bond films. I admit both to loathing them as well as to only have seen about 2 and a half of the wretched things, and I tend to forget which. Goldeneye, Die Another Day and Casino Royale have all definitely been viewed, and the occasional scene from others. The whole thing just never appealed to me on any level. Pierce Brosnan was a smug and irritating Bond, I was never convinced that 007 as a character was a convincing spy, in fact I still believe that if such a person were to truly exist, he'd probably be dead within a month just for being a pretentious prat, who no doubt get shot by someone, be it his own side or someone else's. His mysogyny didn't help matters in my eyes, and while the gadgets and explosions were fun, I suppose, they appealed only to a very basic action movie appreciation that has always been more deeply fulfilled by proper gritty action as seen in Bruce Willis movies like Die Hard.

I found I quite liked Goldfinger, which I suppose isn't saying much. 60s Bond, as opposed to being cheesy was that enjoyable kind of old, where we accept that the effects aren't as good because it was made years ago. Bond is acceptably pervy because men were allowed to be in those days and nobody so much as batted an eyelid. Maybe my biggest problem with Bond is that he just never changes. Though his sad chauvanistic behaviour was acceptable when Connery donned the suit all those years ago, it just doesn't fit or add up in noughties Britain. If anyone actually behaved that way the majority of girls would reject his smug, slimy attitude. After all, we have better things to do these days than make an arrogant turd in a sharp suit feel even more self-satisfied.

Anyway, that aside, the villain Goldfinger was unconvincing, and bits of the plot were too contrived, such as having one gangster cubed in a car crusher for no good reason other than to have a bit of excitment as Bond tried to get his message out. The random slaughter of a group of gangsters after Goldfinger had just spent 15 minutes of the plot explaining his cunning plan to them seemed a waste of time. Still, as said, it was fun to watch in an old, cheesy movie kind of way. Like it's fun to watch an episode of The Avengers simply because the plot lines were always so utterly absurd.

5) Mallrats

Oh dear. I really wonder sometimes whether I should go on watching Kevin Smith movies as so many of them are entirely awful. The acting in this one - albeit an early one - was flaky at best, with memorable performances from Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith himself only. Unsurprisingly someone dropped in a 90210 joke because Shannen Doherty is in it, and generally most of the plot was just pointless filler with gags that generally flopped.

6) Zach and Miri Make A Porno

Thought I'd mention this alongside as it's another Kevin Smith. I saw it for my birthday, and generally I laughed quite a lot, though again the plot only hung together well enough in order to be predictable. What saved it was a genuinely likeable cast, Zack who was also famously in Knocked Up was good, though the part seemed too similar to ones he's played in the past. Jason Mewes again was a pleasure to watch, and it was nice to see he could be someone else on film than Jay. It was fun, but not really a patch on Dogma, my personal Kevin Smith favourite.

7) Bowling for Columbine

I had a feeliing that this one would be an extended documentary where Michael Moore tore apart the US people and government, and lo and behold it was. What was most frustrating about this tedious piece of television is that Moore doesn't actually answer his own question, despite the hours of research that must have gone into making it. Essentially he's just another critic who points out the flaws in everything without saying how to fix it, making him just as bad and ignorant as everyone else. Admittedly Charlton Heston needs a kick in the privates for being a insensitive jack-ass, but tragically I don't think he's going to change his way because a chubby geezer with a picture of a little girl turns up on his doorstep. Also, heston is not singularly responsible for gun crime, and I imagine commits extremely little of it.

My better half and I sat down to watch this after a conversation we had in the pub where I argued that guns were a menace and I'd like to un-invent them. We discussed that without guns surely there'd be swords and other weapons, but still think that having studied the WW1, machine guns and automatic weapons played an enormous role in the massacre of soldier's lives. It's never been so easy to take a life as it is in modern day America.