Just... no.

Now as much as I like to think of myself as a 21st Century woman with a desire for all things equal 'twixt the sexes, I have to say that male sex toys may in fact be the most tasteless things in existance.

I wish there was some nice way of putting it, but there just isn't. Given that they have the tasteful nickname of "wank sleeves", it's hardly a surprise that even the sound of it makes me wrinkle up my nose.

It's all a bit tragic really because I don't consider myself to be against sex toys for ladies since I was introduced to them a few years ago. If someone said to me, "but doesn't it make you feel guilty, it is another penis after all?" I'd just laugh and say, God NO. A dildo is nothing like a penis; it doesn't feel the same, masturbation is nothing like sex, and no matter how overactive your imagination may be, it's nigh on impossible to use a dildo and somehow believe a full red blooded male is fixing those leaky pipes.

And yet for some reason, looking at those dreadful plastic sleeves, the weird things that look like torches, and all that other junk, I just think it's all kind of sick. Is that just because when a man puts his cock INSIDE you, it's a different situation from having something PUT inside you? I guess I would take my boyfriend wanting something that felt like someone else's vagina quite badly, particularly if I was actually there. Mr. Sex of Todger Talk - this bizarre sex blog I read because Google suggested it to me for some reason - comments that these "toys", or masturbatory aids, or whatever you want to call them can be used during sex play, but I cannot see the benefit. If I wanted a hand job from my boyfriend, I would be understandably disappointed if he whipped out a plastic bobbly sheath that was meant to be more stimulating. I can't help but think the feel of good old human flesh on human flesh is becoming sadly underrated if manufacturers think this is the way forward.

Of course I'm not answering here what might appear to be the gaping issue; the omnipresent dual-standards issue. I don't really know how to explain other that to say that I think men poking their penises in little plastic sheaths to get their jollies is "yicky". Then again, maybe women using latex knobs to get theirs is equally vulgar. Then again, it sometimes feels like if you're NOT one of these modern ladies who keeps something vibratable in her sock drawer, then you're not making the most of the freedom fought for so long and hard by our foremothers.

Let's, on this occasion, chalk it up in the column marked "Personal Choice". From a personal perspective though? Wank sleeves is a big, big no.

J.